The Give and Go: Let's Buy an NBA Franchise!

NBA Reddit

The Give and Go is a quick back and forth between Paul Mitchell and Chris St. Jean about a relevant subject in the NBA at that moment.

Paul: With the news this week that NBA franchise valuations have increased an insane 74% over last year, I feel like I have to ask, Chris, if you came into an extra, let’s say $2 billion, which NBA franchise would you ideally look to purchase? Of the organizations that might realistically sell, which would you invest in?

Chris: Great question! This is made infinitely more difficult by trying to define which organizations ‘might realistically sell’. Rather than dive down that rabbit hole of speculation I’ll let you into my thought process of elimination:

The Marquee Franchises...Plus the Clippers

The Lakers, Knicks, Bulls, and Celtics are just too institutional to consider them realistically available (I realize the Celtics may not be as unattainable as the other, but I’m ignoring that for now). I’m throwing the Clippers in there because they were just purchased at market value. Those were the top 5 on Forbes' list.

The Bad Market Club

Pacers, Bucks, Timberwolves, Pelicans, Hornets, Grizzlies, Pistons, Kings, Hawks (tough one but they won’t play this well forever), Jazz, Nuggets, Thunder.

Not many destination cities in that bunch… next.

Too High-Profile

Dallas - Who wants to follow Mark Cuban as an owner?  Not me.

Miami - I don’t want Pat Riley getting all of my credit when I get a ring!

Brooklyn - Intriguing with the color scheme, new arena and practice facility, and ability to fire Billy King, but I may be blinded by the horrific amount of uninteresting this team dishes out on a nightly basis.

San Antonio - Once Popovich retires, does this franchise slip into the last tier?

Cleveland - As much fun as it would be to replace Dan Gilbert, LeBron will obviously own this team in two years.

Soft Spots

Raptors - It would be better to own the only franchise in Canada, right? Doesn’t that make you like a national hero? Wait, aren’t taxes really high in Canada? And I have no shot at signing any free agents right? Is the current Raptors team as good as that franchise will ever be? Ok, I’m getting nervous. Plus Canadian winters.

Suns/Magic- My affinity to these teams is due to three factors:

• Color Schemes/Jerseys: Even the Suns’ current floor, which could accurately be described as… loud.
• Nostalgia: The Shaq/Penny era had a huge impact on the 11-year-old version of myself. The Nash era had a huge impact on me as I began to think about the game intellectually.
• Location: A little skeptical about the Florida thing, but it’s better than Rhode Island and I’ve always been intrigued by the southwest. I’ve never experienced a desert before so I’ve probably romanticized it.

Just The Right Amount of History

Warriors, Blazers, Rockets, 76ers

All four teams have won an NBA Championship, all have great logos and colors. The Warriors, Blazers, Rockets stand out now because they are winning, but if the Sixers ever had a contender, that would be really fun nationally. Philly would definitely get behind that; look how they supported AI to the death. Much like Lakers fans with Kobe.

The Winner

Washington Wizards

First, it won’t break the bank at $900 million. That allows me to pocket some of the $2 billion windfall I come into in this hypothetical situation.  

Second, I can finally get rid of one of the worst nicknames and logos in the league. For PR reasons, I may not be able to reinstate the ‘Bullets’ moniker, but I can figure out a way to tribute that and go a bit more retro (and less 90’s) with my color scheme/logo/floor design.  

Third, Washington seems to be too influential of a city in the grand scheme of things to be so irrelevant in the NBA landscape. Remember, up until this season really, the Wizards have been mostly a joke for decades.

Fourth, Joe House will love it.

Fifth, John Wall ensures I’m relevant for the next 4-5 seasons.

Sixth, the Washington/Baltimore region is kind of an underrated hotbed for basketball talent: Hall of Famers Adrian Dantley and Elgin Baylor, plus Durant, Carmelo, Rudy Gay, Ty Lawson, Oladipo, Jeff Green, and ,of course, Muggsy Bogues.

That’s right Mitchell, I said Muggsy Bogues, what do you have to say for yourself?  *mic drop*

www.muggsybogues.com

Paul: Gotdamn, that was a good breakdown. We should’ve been doing goofy questions in this column months ago…

We’ve got some similar thought processes here, but I can promise you the Wiz-ards never entered into the discussion, for some reason. Why is that…? I enjoyed my limited exposure to D.C. and the Baltimore-area that time we drove down for one of your bowling tournaments, and bought $35 tickets on the third-base line like an hour before the Nationals game (back when they were awful; shout-out Livan Hernandez and Brad Wilkerson!). Oh yeah, politics… There’s some money in the area but also market saturation with two baseball teams, the Ravens, and the Capitals to compete with, plus I’d have to pander to the politicians that would come scrounging around for free tickets for fear of being brought before a Senate sub-committee or something, so I’ll give you Washington. Just please change the name, and enjoy cleaning out the front office and coaching staffs.

I’ll try to be brief and positive as I narrow down my choices. The Knicks and Lakers are out of my price range but I’d be intrigued by another big market, where I’m almost guaranteed attendance and huge profits from TV deals even if I completely ignore the team and instead focus on starting my own blues band. Plus I’d get to be fake-friends with celebrities and throw creepy black-and-white parties. So I would consider teams like the Nets (first order of business: trade Brook Lopez and Deron Williams, then put the Brooklyn’s Finest staff on the team’s payroll), the Rockets, the Bulls, or the Heat over some of the smaller markets, where I might have to actually win to draw fans.

I’d love to say my beloved Boston Celtics, just so I can meet Bill Russell or Sam Jones and hang out with Mike and Tommy on the broadcasts, but I’d end up firing Danny Ainge after getting impatient with the rebuild or barring the entire New England media from my facilities (outside of Chris Forsberg, Jackie MacMullan, Jessica Camerato, Paul Flannery, and a handful of other writers who are incredible at their jobs). The crappy weather would be a deterrent (as well as in other great cities like Toronto, Minnesota, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, etc.) but at least I’d finally have a gym to play in all winter (albeit in Waltham). I would probably get annoyed at being the third or fourth attraction to a whole region of obsessive and obnoxious sports fans, or after being passed over by free agents year after year, so Boston is out. Expectations and all that.

It would be tempting to buy into a historic franchise in a (slightly) smaller market, in like Denver or Portland or Atlanta or Golden State, where you’re one title run away from achieving legendary status (ask Bill Walton or Rick Barry or Ben Wallace). Portland and Detroit have experienced success in multiple decades, but teams like the Hawks, Nuggets, Warriors, and even some younger franchises like Orlando, Toronto, Sacramento, Pelicans, etc., have suffered through some inconsistent ownership groups in their NBA existence. Chris kinda hits on the opposite of that with the Spurs, Heat, and Mavericks, where the standard and expectations would be impossible to reach, and I’m also not about to have Pat Riley steal my shine after I spend $2 billion.

Okay, I’m done narrowing it down, here’s my Top 5…

1. Atlanta Hawks - Chalk it up to my childhood love of the old TBS days of the Greg Maddux, Andruw Jones, Andres “Big Cat” Galarraga-era Atlanta Braves, but I’m taking the ATL. First of all it’s available, and I can easily implement my own personnel guy (by that I mean myself) to shop for Mike Budenholzer’s groceries. Al Horford would get a lifetime contract complete with ownership stakes, Kyle Korver his own All-Star campaign (along with Jeff Teague), and my politicking would consist of hanging out in my owner’s box with Ludacris and either Big Boi or Andre. I’d be in a great city (albeit in the South) with historical significance, with a fan base that’s been ignored for generations, and in an organization that’s suffered through dysfunction but still offers great infrastructure (coach, style of play, and organist).
2. Toronto Raptors - The Raptors violate my no-cold weather edict but do offer the upside and pleasantness of Canada. The Raps are like a younger brother to the Portland Trail Blazers or even the Seattle Super Sonics (RIP), in that they tie into a regional base that is as passionate as a collegiate town but has the numbers (and voice) to influence All-Star ballots and merchandising revenue. I can’t think of many other NBA fanbases that would draw hundreds (thousands?) of fans to watch a first-round playoff game on a huge video board outside of the arena, and an Eastern Conference or NBA Finals appearance for the Toronto Raptors could make that owner a Canadian national hero (right up there with Seth Rogen and Will Arnett, but below Justin Bieber or Michael J. Fox). Plus I'd get to hang out with Drake and pester him to introduce me to Nicki Minaj.
3. Brooklyn Nets - This is my safe scenario. Sure, the organization lacks almost any semblance of a future, thanks to Mikhail Prokhorov’s ambition and faith in Billy King, but it’s still a revenue generator that would have netted Prok better returns had he not broken payroll and luxury tax records. Again, I’d shop Deron and Brook for any expiring contracts and/or draft picks I could find, then maybe blow up my payroll commitments by moving Joe Johnson, Jarrett Jack, and Kevin Garnett as well. Mason Plumlee and Bojan Bogdanovic would get experience and shot opportunities until I was able to clear my cap and then reinvest in free agency in 2016 or ‘17, since I wouldn’t have any draft picks with which to rebuild. It’s been a mostly dreadful year-plus for fans of New York sports, but with an All-Star game down the line and an increasing salary cap, I’d feel confident that if I bought the Brooklyn Nets, I could win them over (and make a bunch of money).
4. Phoenix Suns - You covered most of the points, with the weather and the team jerseys/colors and the weather… Plus some historical relevance going back to the Paul Westphal/Gar Heard days, and whoever owns the team next gets Steve Nash’s (and Shawn Marion's) inevitable return to the franchise and jersey retirement. I’d almost feel obligated to play a run-and-gun style with the Suns, which I would have no problem with, and anybody who replaces Robert Sarver as owner should be lauded immediately by the fans. The biggest downsides, to me, are the Western Conference and the wackiness that is the state of Arizona, but the prospect of being the owner that finally brings a title to the much-deserving Suns fans would be a huge attraction.
5. This spot comes down to the Portland Trail Blazers or Golden State Warriors, and I’m not sure if Paul Allen would sell his shares in the only professional basketball franchise in the Pacific Northwest. For that matter, I doubt Peter Guber and Joe Lacob would sell either, after buying the team less than five years ago for a then-record $450 million and seeing that investment more than triple (reportedly). Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Harrison Barnes, and Draymond Green (restricted free agency and all) are the allure, plus a progressive city that is both passionate and crazily aggressive, and some really cool uniforms and team history. With the Blazers, I’d get Damian Lillard’s prime (and Wes Matthews’s?) and LaMarcus Aldridge’s eventual retirement, after owning all Trail Blazer records, plus some awesome hiking trails and Bill Walton stories. No chance I get either franchise (duh doi), but that’d be a no-lose situation.

After breaking all of these teams down, I just realized that the correct answer is “whichever team I can move to Seattle to resurrect the Super Sonics.” At the risk of alienating a bunch of fanbases, I won’t theorize as to which franchises I think I can poach and relocate, and I don’t even think I could be that much of a dick to a whole region of fans as to rob them of their NBA team, even if it would make me more popular in Seattle than Russell Wilson. 

Oh wait, boooo Seattle, go Pats! Atlanta, it is!