The Give and Go: Bill Simmons' Entertaining as Hell Tournament Comes to Life

Credit: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

The Give and Go is a quick back and forth between Paul Mitchell and Chris St. Jean about a relevant subject in the NBA at that moment.

Chris:  For those who don’t know what Bill Simmons’ Entertaining as Hell Tournament is you can read a fairly detailed description here.   

The quick version: every team that isn’t going to make the playoffs, plus the current 8-seeds in each conference, are thrown into a post-season tournament. Winner gets the 8-seed in either the East or West.

Mitchell, if this tournament existed this season, who wins it? Who is the MVP? What’s the biggest upset? And what are the top-5 hypothetical moments that will come to define this tournament’s inaugural season?

Mitchell: Doesn’t the European Premier League also do something of this nature? I can’t speak to its effectiveness, given the context of a (long) regular season, but it does, in fact, seem Entertaining as Hell. Or at least a welcome break to the last month of the regular season, where previously bad teams are playing well and some assumed-contenders are not, or are losing key players to injury. This tournament idea would seem to be a nice rallying point for the “anti-tanking” crowd and a reshuffling of the NBA’s lower/middle classes, while the elite sit and wait.

There are probably too many semantic points to address before this tournament becomes feasible, beginning most importantly with the Players’ Union and new President Michelle Roberts, who is (rightly) reluctant to agree with Adam Silver on anything until the next round of Collective Bargaining negotiations in the summer of 2017.

There’s also the rest issue and the loss of game revenues among teams not participating, the scheduling specifics, tournament tanking, and et cetera, et cetera.

My counter to all of those qualms: Let’s ask the San Antonio crew of owner Peter Holt, general manager R.C. Buford, and President/head coach Gregg Popovich about it. Although the Spurs wouldn’t have qualified for the EaH Tourney since the Clinton administration and have intrinsic and obvious biases to their franchise, their track record of making smart and logical decisions is unprecedented, and if it’s good enough for Pop, the NBA should adopt. (Popovich/Stevens 2016!)

As someone who has (unfortunately) been forced to monitor the Eastern Conference’s 7th and 8th seeds in my dual role as Celtics fan and Nets blogger, I’m in on any idea that blows up the status quo. The phrase “Eastern Conference playoff race” has presented a cruel irony all season, as teams 10 games under .500 can put together a week’s worth of competence and fall into the playoffs (when they should be bottoming out for Willie Cauley-Stein, dammit!). 

The Western Conference teams would probably take offense to this proposal, but the league should treat Simmons’s/the EPL’s crazy idea seriously and shake up their last month of the season. Sponsorship shouldn’t be a problem, seeing as how the league’s sales staff can extract corporate money for naming All-Star weekend exhibitions, but getting Turner to televise another weeks-long tournament might take some politics.

Or the NBA finds a television-rights loophole and can sell the EaH Tournament separately from the usual ESPN/TNT packages, to a FoxSports1 or NBCSports or another upstart media entity for a HUGE profit, which should make this idea even more attractive to NBA owners. But, as I bitched about weeks ago with the DLeague running a knock-off NCAA Tournament, the NBA apparently isn’t as profit starved as another large corporations. (Full-on sarcasm tag; it must be politics.)

So outside of Mark Cuban and probably Sam Hinkie, we’ve got the greenlight, right? Here’s how my hypothetical Entertaining as Hell Tournament power rankings look like:

1. New Orleans Pelicans - I’m betting on Anthony Davis and a finally healthy Jrue Holiday and Ryan Anderson. Nobody else should be more motivated to play for a postseason spot and to keep their first-round draft pick.
2. Oklahoma City Thunder - I know they can’t defend, and Russell Westbrook is about to combust after playing out of his mind without Kevin Durant and Serge Ibaka. My counter: Russell Westbrook.
3. Utah Jazz - The league’s best defense in 2015.  Plenty of young legs to get up and down the court and close out on shooters, if not enough shooting and offensive-minded players or veterans.
4. Indiana Pacers - A Top-10 defense that recently returned its best offensive player. I’ll take my chances with Paul George, Roy Hibbert, and a rejuvenated George Hill.
5. Brooklyn Nets - Brook Lopez has been really good, and Deron Williams too, in random games (also: BOJAN!). They’ve been running less Iso Joe and more pick/roll stuff to maximize Lopez’s floater, but this is still a bottom-10 defense under Lionel Hollins, speaking to their talent on hand.
6. Miami Heat - Who knows if Dwyane Wade would take this seriously and suit up, or Hassan Whiteside clears someone out with an elbow and misses a game. Goran Dragic has played well but there’s not enough depth to avoid relying on Michael Beasley.
7. Phoenix Suns - Brandon Knight is done for the year and this team seems to just want their season to end. What a weird season, compared to last year’s whirlwind of praise for head coach Jeff Hornacek.
8. Denver Nuggets - They’ve been relatively healthy and playing a lot freer under Melvin Hunt, with Will “The Thrill” Barton working himself into their rotation since the Arron Afflalo trade. There’s still some talent on this roster, but it’ll be an interesting summer for the Nuggets and maybe Ty Lawson or Kenneth Faried.
9. Charlotte Hornets - Al Jefferson is hurting and the team was unable to sustain its play upon Kemba Walker’s return from injury. Kemba is always deadly in a tournament setting, but the rest of the roster is unable to provide the necessary spacing, even if they’ve worked themselves back into a top-10 defense after a sloppy first few months.
10. Detroit Pistons - Reggie Jackson had finally figured out how to make plays in Stan Van Gundy’s offense, and played just well enough towards the end of the season to still make himself some money in free agency. Andre Drummond presents matchup issues off the pick-and-roll, but Greg Monroe is counting down the days to his own free agency.
11. Orlando Magic, then the rest of the “out of it” teams - Victor Oladipo, Elfrid Payton, and Aaron Gordon can put pressure on any transition defense, if not their perimeter defense. Nikola Vucevic is a double-double machine, and Orlando could be deadly in a single-game setting or compact tournament. There’s no reason they can’t be next season’s Utah Jazz, with a competent head coach.
    
    After Orlando, the Kings have shut down Rudy Gay and Boogie, Philly has received strong play from Nerlens Noel and Robert Covington but are still multiple players away, Minnesota is in the same situation but with Zach LaVine and Andrew Wiggins, and the Lakers and Knicks are the Lakers and Knicks.

So what are your thoughts on the practicality of this idea, Chris, and as to its possibility? It could prevent a wrinkle to the evils of tanking, make the owners a bunch of money, and be entertaining (as hell!); there’s no chance it happens, right? Who would be the EaH Title favorites?

Chris:

Mitchell.  I'm disappointed in you.  You know damn well that Cousins would be playing down the stretch if Vivek sniffed an opportunity to get swept decisively by the Warriors in the first round after a 'magical' Boogie-led run in this tournament.  

Sam Hinkie probably would have invented a Nerlens Noel injury to ensure a first round defeat and Langston Galloway would be dropping 26, 6, and 5 like he did against the Hawks this week as the Knicks somehow screwed up being bad.

That's the beautiful thing about this hypothetical tournament in theory (and in theory is likely all we'll ever have).  There is no shutting guys down for the rest of the season.  There is no tanking.  This is my idealized (and impossible) world in which all of these bad and young teams continue to play for an idea called hope.

Hope that they will play a nationally televised game this season.  (Seriously, D-League teams will play more nationally televised games than the Kings this season). Hope that they get a playoff check to drop in one night at the strip club.  Hope that a five game aberration can get a player who's contract is expiring paid. If Shabazz Napier can randomly become a first round pick after A magical college postseason imagine how much money <blank> can make with four twenty point games that result in just missing the playoffs.

Given all of that Mitchell, here is how I see the hypothetical (and amazing in my head, I swear) Entertaining as Hell tournament playing out:

Round 1:

(1) Pelicans vs. (16) Timberwolves

Anthony Davis in a must-win game on Wednesday against the Spurs was amazing.  The Pelicans will kill Minnesota, but this is just an appetizer for this team.

(8) Hornets vs. (9) Pistons

This is the quintessential 8-9 match-up of the NBA, is it not?  Two irrelevant East teams that weren’t good enough to make the playoffs when the 7-seed was two games under .500.  I just feel bad for Charlotte now with all the injuries that came at the close of the season, so I assume Reggie Jackson and Drummond is just too much.

(5) Nets vs. (12) Magic

UPSET ALERT!!  LAST GAME OF THE REGULAR SEASON REVENGE ALERT!!  Of course the Nets are a 5-seed, am I right?

(4) Jazz vs. (13) Lakers

The Jazz are really overqualified to be the 4-seed with the way they’ve been playing since the All-Star break.  This tournament was created for teams like the Jazz.  Also, does Kobe work his ass off to get back for this tournament with the idea in his head that he could carry this sorry Lakers team through the elimination chamber here and actually into the Playoffs?  That would be the ultimate late-season comeback would it not?  And only Kobe would be insane enough to do it.

(3) Suns vs. (14) Sixers

I was really tempted to take the Sixers in this scenario (Sam Hinkie’s worst nightmare)  Imagine if winning a game in this tournament had lottery implications as well.  How would the Sixers balance that act.  And if they tanked in a defacto playoff game, imagine the outcry! Really, the Suns should be as excited about this tournament as the Jazz. It gives them new hope to make the playoffs.  

But, they end of their season has been so sad. It just seems like they are ready for it to be over. Still, I can’t take the Sixers over them here, plus it sets up a nice second round match-up against the winner of…

(6) Pacers vs. (11) Kings

I guess I should have been more specific.  The second round match-up against the Suns is only tantalizing if the Kings win this game.  But I want peak and pissed off Boogie Cousins in this tournament, and I’m betting on him hard.  The Pacers have been fun (kind of) and I sure would have loved to see them in the Playoffs over the Nets, but BOOGIE IS GOING TO EAT ROY HIBBERT FOR DINNER.  Plus, the Paul George return is fun and all, but he is  shell of his former self at this point.  That breakaway dunk was almost more sad than anything.  Rest up PG!

(7) Heat vs. (10) Denver

Denver was intriguing to me in this setting, but not against the Heat.  Sure the Heat have like four legitimate NBA players at this point, but one of them is Dwyane Wade and he would be an absolute monster in a single elimination tournament.  Also, this would be a great way for the NBA world to focus on how good he’s been all season.

(2) Thunder vs. (15) Knicks

Oh, the poor Knicks.  Did you see what Russell Westbrook did to the Timberwolves on Wednesday?  Imagine the contempt in which he will drop 50, 15, 12 on Shane Larkin in this game.  

Second Round

(1) Pelicans vs. (9) Pistons

As far as storylines go, maybe the Pelicans playing their old team name in the Hornets would have been interesting?  But I prefer the Anthony Davis vs Andre Drummond match-up.  Also, Jrue Holiday is back!  I can get behind Holiday vs. Jackson.  Winner take all, I’m going with the Pelicans, but Stan Van would have something cooked up for a one-game scenario.  

(4) Jazz vs. (12) Magic

Again, this tournament is designed for a team like the Jazz.  The Magic might be riding high after winning a ‘Playoff’ game, but I think Utah takes care of business here.  Although… Elfrid would dominate Exum, and although Rodney Hood has been playing well, Oladipo would have some lessons for him.  Vucevic could frustrate Rudy a bit by knocking down some outside shots, and Aaron Gordon would be a nice option to throw at Gordon Hayward for a game.  The Magic have absolutely nobody to deal with Derrick Favors though and that would decide the game.  

Wow, that was way more seriously detailed than I had intended.  Sorry about that.

(3) Suns vs. (11) Kings

Alright, back to ridiculous.  Even without Isaiah Thomas still there, this game is voted the most likely to end in a giant brawl that makes the NBA higher ups contemplate that this tournament was a bad idea in the first place.  Example A: Boogie.  Example B: Basically everyone in the Suns front court including and especially P.J. Tucker.  The Suns are a better team, but they get rattled easily, have seemed very mentally fragile down the stretch, and the kings have Boogie. Kings in one of the most hotly contested games single games of the NBA season (including playoffs).

(2) Thunder vs. (7) Heat

How does this match-up not generate an all-time classic one vs. one match-up a la the Pierce-LeBron 2008 Game 7?  This has the setup of the all-time great EAH game.  The one that we’ll look back on for years.  Wade and Westbrook single handedly dragging their respective corpse teams as far as humanly possible.  I have to go with Thunder because they actually. you know, have front court players, but don’t tell me ABC/ESPN/SPIKETV can’t sell this game on Friday night at 8 and you’re not watching it.

Round 3:

(1) Pelicans vs. (4) Jazz

This is a legitimately great match-up in a single elimination tournament, is it not?  Anthony Davis vs. Rudy Gobert. The Utah defense vs. the Pelicans suddenly hot outside shooting and elite rebounding.  I honestly think this game could go either way.  Jrue/Tyreke would probably have their way with Exum, but he does have Gobert back there helping out.

The Pelicans should have the front court depth to handle Favors (although Utah could go Hack-a-Asik like the Spurs were on Wednesday night to get Ryan Anderson out there instead).  I see Gordon Haywood being a really tough match-up for New Orleans as well.  A lot in this match-up.  I’m going with New Orleans simply because they have the best player.

(2) Thunder vs. (11) Kings

Another candidate for the game that turns into a brawl.  Imagine the Thunder front court (minus Ibaka under the assumption he’s still hurt) trying to handle Boogie.  And imagine Ray McCallum, Ben McLemore, and (good god) Nik Stauskas trying to handle Westbrook.  

The existence of this tournament also brings up the hypothetical that the Thunder are more cautious with Durant during the season knowing this path exists instead of pushing to get into the playoffs by record.  If that’s the case, maybe Durant rested enough, he healed correctly, and he and Westbrook just tear through this bracket. (Hold that thought)

***********

And that leaves us just where all NBA fans want to be (for the most part).  The Pelicans get the 8-seed in the West.  No change there.  The Thunder get the 8-seed in the East and we are all spared from having to watch the Nets in the playoffs.  See, that’s what everybody wants. Except the Hawks… and the rest of the East.  

Imagine if my earlier hypothetical of Durant being healthy did happen. Then all of a sudden a Thunder team with Westbrook and Durant are in the East Playoffs.  Every team is scared.  

A Hawks-Thunder first round series? Amazing.  

A Thunder-Cavs Eastern Conference Finals?  Amazing.  

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